A couple of years ago around this time I met a guy – a really nice guy. He was kind and caring, considerate and attentive – just an all around good person.
One day in particular, after we got off the phone, I rested in my thoughts for a minute thinking, ‘what is this feeling?’. After mulling over it for a few moments I realized what it was.
Cherish(ed) – verb
To protect and care for (someone) lovingly.
Synonyms: adore, hold dear, love, care very much for, feel great affection for, dote on, be devoted to, revere, esteem, admire, appreciate. – Dictionary.com
I felt cherished.
It was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a very long time. It was through dating him that I learned what it meant to be treated really…..really well.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’d dated other guys in the past who had a host of good qualities but this was the first time I was cared for in this way. He didn’t objectify me which was important especially since I was waiting. He listened and was patient with me. He truly cared for me and showed it through his words and his actions.
That standard of care changed the game for me.
Years ago a friend of mine was talking about her now husband. After dating him for a while and then getting engaged she said something like, “I can’t believe I let myself be treated so badly for so long”.
Oftentimes people treat you the way you allow them to, or people treat you the way you treat you.
With that said, if you don’t step your you game up no one else will.
Some years back I had to have a very necessary talk with a family member about what I would and would not allow. How I would and would not be spoken to. And while it took a lot of courage to have this conversation, I haven’t been treated that way by that person, since.
While talking to a friend recently she said, “there’s the gold standard of care – treat people how you want to be treated. And there’s the platinum standard of care – treat people how they want to be treated.”
Love languages fit here – And treating people how they want to be treated fits here because everyone experiences love in different ways. Share how you want to be loved and as long as it’s not hurtful, love others the way they want to be loved.
Everyone deserves to be cherished. You deserve to be cherished but you have to start with cherishing yourself first.
So get real with yourself. Do you want to be doted on or discarded? Loved or loathed? Criticized or cherished?
You get to decide.
And once you decide, make sure you treat yourself that way. It all starts with you.