Dating while celibate is hard. When you meet someone special, there’s a point in time where you may want to take things to the next level.
You might feel like after doing so (by doing so I mean having sex) you’ll know if that is or could be your person.
The problem with this scenario is it doesn’t work……if you’re celibate. You’re going to have to use an entirely different set of tools and it may actually be harder.
You read that right, it may actually be harder!
Ok, it is harder. There I said it.
You’ll have to do the dirty work of getting to know someone for real and without the physical aspects and connectedness of having sex.
I’m using the term connectedness loosely because you can have sex with someone and have no real connection with them.
I’m going to tell you to do somethings I’ve actually had to do and what’s worked so far for me. I wrote about this in my initial blog post They That Wait! but this here is the short version.
1. Be Honest with Yourself
You have to know your boundaries and what they are. I’ve had to have very honest conversations with myself and folks I’ve dated about what I will and won’t do and what my triggers are.
Is there a certain amount of kissing or touching that’s going to send you over? You may want to disclose that. The more you communicate the better.
3. Keep Your Clothes On
It’s real hard to have sex if you have clothes on. Keep your clothes on Sis. If I can do it, you can do it too. Trust.
If you take them off, or someone else does, you better make sure your self control is on point.
4. Final Thoughts
None of this works if you’re not with someone who wants to or is trying to be celibate.
It’s an uphill battle trying to convince someone that celibacy is the way so don’t try to convince anyone. If he or she doesn’t want to wait, send them on their way. Don’t waste their time or yours. There’s someone out there who will wait, wait for them.