I used to think sex was the only way to intimacy.
When I was having sex, the most enjoyable part was the physical contact I had with the other person. My skin on his, our bodies pressed together, and the vulnerability of it all.
Now that I’ve been celibate for some time and have learned to enjoy intimacy outside of sex, I’ve realized that the entire time I was having sex I was really looking for a deeper level of intimacy.
Oftentimes sex made me feel empty. For me, intimacy was confined to the time it took to do the act. So for however long it lasted that was intimacy and I was hard pressed to experience that feeling again.
Now that I’m older and wiser and have been charged with taking sex off of the table, I can feel whole and connected to the person I’m dating even when we’re not around each other.
What did I learn? True intimacy lasts!
If you haven’t been charged with waiting until marriage you might not feel this way and that’s ok.
I know that God wants me to do things a certain way and sex is going to cloud my judgement.
You’re probably wondering what intimacy looks like outside of sex.
For me it’s the following:
- Being held for long stretches of time
- Feeling safe enough to cry and express my feelings and fears
- Skin to skin contact
- Being affirmed
Having been celibate for so long it’s been a challenge to rewrite and reprogram my views on intimacy but it was totally necessary and an important step on the journey God has me on.
Please know that if you choose this journey and commit to it, you can and will experience a heightened level of intimacy.
If you decide that waiting isn’t for you and you still want more intimacy that’s possible too.
Just know that we can experience love in a deeper way – in one that doesn’t rob or take but in one that fulfills.
I’m inviting you, if you have a partner, to go a week without sex. Replace sex with conversation and some of the things I mentioned above. Hold space for the other person, allow vulnerability in and see what happens.
God’s blessings are already stored up so whether you wait or not they’re already there for you but give it a try. You never know what God’s going to show you or what new level He’s going to take you to.
Dare to experience intimacy on a new level and watch how God works!