Are you going through a breakup? Do you feel like the end of the hurt and pain is nowhere in sight? In this blog I’ll give you some tips on how I got over one of the toughest breakups and came out better, stronger, and more confident than I’ve ever been.
Over the years I’d handled breakups the best way I knew how. I created I hate men playlists, stalked social media accounts, and cried because of it. I became angry. I didn’t learn any lessons or come out better, instead I became more bitter. Then, I asked God to help me get over a breakup gracefully – without more scars, without more hurt and pain and things ultimately got better.
Here are some things I did to get over it gracefully.
I prayed. Everything starts with prayer. Although I spent the majority of the time praying I wouldn’t think about him anymore, wouldn’t wonder where he was or what he was doing, God met me. Even when I felt like life would never be the same – God continued to be with me and over time, things got better.
I fasted. I was actually fasting throughout the relationship. I did my first fast during that time and since then I’ve fasted every year and sometimes, multiple times a year. Fasting always gives me greater clarity and it helps me focus on what was really important – my relationship with God.
I journaled. I have so many journal entries from that time. In fact, I started a journal the day before the breakup. I wrote it all down. There were times when I journaled everyday. In my journal I did my best not to bash him, not to say anything negative about him. I didn’t know how things were going to turn out but I knew I needed to shift my focus from him to me. Through those journal entries I see tears and frustration, sadness and uncertainty and overtime, healing. I can look back at how broken I was, at what God was showing me, remember what God taught me and try not to repeat the same patterns again.
I leaned on my friends. Friends came over and listened, some even consoled me as I sat there and cried. One friend told me that getting over a breakup is a process and that really stayed with me. Knowing that it was going to take time didn’t make it easier but it did give me perspective.
I chain-read several books. Instead of wallowing in my thoughts for hours on end, I read. When I saw I was nearing the end of a book, I ordered another. I’m admittedly a self-help junkie so all of my reads were about things that were going to build me up.
I exercised. I had exercised before but not with same intensity. I remember one night in particular I was feeling low and I went to the gym and gave it my all. One of the trainers asked why he’d seen me so much and I told him it was because I was mad. It was my outlet. During prior breakups I wouldn’t eat. I was so sad I’d lose my appetite. As a result, I’d drop so much weight I wouldn’t be able to fit my clothes and didn’t like how I looked. But during this last breakup, I was committed to coming back better, to putting on muscle and continuing to focus on my self and my health – mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I built me up. I started taking myself on dates, I went to my favorite place – Sephora – and began learning what worked for me beauty-wise and practicing those things daily. I don’t wear much makeup but the practice helped me feel good and pampered and ready to face the world. So that became my escape and it was nice to have familiar faces there to help. I LOVE Sephora! I’m a Rouge by the way. This is not an ad.
I waited. Over a year went by and I hadn’t gone on one date and that’s not because I didn’t want to but because that’s the way God designed it. It took years for me to get to the point where I was dating someone regularly. While I was frustrated in-between, I know God was clearing out old thoughts and habits and hiding me so I could be made new.
If you’re going through a breakup please know that it’s not the end of the world – it can be the beginning of a new YOU. If you were treated poorly it may be hard not to talk, or think negatively about the person you were with. Acknowledge what they did and decide you deserve better – then start treating yourself better.
You too can get over it gracefully and by graceful I don’t mean everything is perfect. I cried EVERYWHERE and all of the time. I had low moments, I sobbing on the floor, dreading going to work and wanting to curl up in a ball and hide.
Getting over it gracefully means you come out better. You’re not carrying more hurt into another situation, you’re taking healing into the next relationship. Even on days and nights that feel like they’ll never end God is with you and He’s covering you.
So lean into Him and let Him help you. Choose to think positive thoughts and treat yourself well. Don’t let the breakup break you. You’re more than a conquerer and God has great plans for you. This is part of that. Get your healing and move on. God’s got something better on the other side.