Lately I’ve found myself saying some really mean things. Not to other people but to myself.
I have two sick parents and when I say sick I mean diabetes, hypertension, arthritis, vision and hearing problems, liver and kidney problems, cancer, epilepsy and the list goes on.
And sometimes I’m not my highest self. The truth is…I’m grieving yesteryear while trying to accept today and sometimes I’m not my best self – I can be impatient and short – not at all who I aspire to be.
Here are some of the things I’ve said to myself – “Why did you say it like that? You should’ve just listened.”
“You should have been better.” And the most distressing, “What if that was the last time you’ll ever get to talk to them?” – That’s anxiety speaking.
Then one day, after an army of negative thoughts steamrolled my good mood, I thought – how would you talk to yourself if you were talking to a friend? And my whole mindset changed.
I’d probably say – “It’s okay, you did your best. Tomorrow is another day and you’ll have an opportunity to be better whatever better is.”
The truth is, it’s hard being a caregiver whether near or far. It’s difficult to find balance when you’re both a child and acting as a parent, in some ways, to your parent. It’s a really tough road to travel.
Through it all I am learning to show myself some love and to extend grace. I have to stop, take a breath and think before I speak and most of all, continue asking God to give me the words to say in painful and stressful times.
I can’t help anyone if I’m beating myself up. I have to remember to talk to myself like I’m my own best friend. I have to remember to be my own best friend when it matters most.
Have you had these moments? Have you said something to or about yourself that you’d never say to a good friend who was going through something similar?
If so, it’s time to shift your focus.
You can be your own worst enemy or you can be your very best friend. Be kind to yourself and show yourself some grace. Let God do His perfect work in you and in the meantime relax, you’re doing the best you can.