I used to be so jealous when my friends were getting married. It was if I was watching them get the one thing I wanted and prayed God would do for me.
And it didn’t happen once, it happened over and over again.
I remember being in weddings and taking moments to myself to get myself together. Between the smiles I was fighting to be there for my friends – to put my own feelings aside.
It didn’t help that I was single – praying and waiting for God to do a new thing in my love life, fully expecting Him to do it, only to watch years go past when He didn’t. In fact, I believe that made it worse.
But instead of detaching or withdrawing I put one foot in front if the other, walked down aisles, carried a train and smiled in pics because even though my heart hurt, those days and those moments were not about me.
One Valentine’s Day one year, I agreed to watch a friend’s child while she and her husband went to celebrate. It was a hard day for me – I felt like a movie was playing right in front me that I’d never have a part in.
But I prayed and prayed and told God I wanted to be able to celebrate with my friends without thinking about myself, without crying inside. I wanted to wholly and truly celebrate them. And over time, God did it!
Now, I’m not perfect at this. Every now and then my feelings roll in like a bull in a china shop and I have to get back to one, but I am much, much better than I used to be and I am thankful and grateful for that.
It took a while but God changed my heart and I’m so glad He did. I don’t know when my time is coming but while I wait, I’ll be celebrating with my friends because if He can do it for them, He certainly can and will do it for me.