Last Monday my mom had a really important surgery. Leading up to it, I’d called ahead to see if I could put my name on the list to wait in the waiting room you know, because of Covid.

After talking to the nurses’ supervisor I was on the list! I’d prepared everything – food for when she could eat again, water in the meantime and meds she’d need right after.

All of the preliminary appointments and tests were done and we were good to go.

On the day of the surgery, we approached the first desk attendant who said I wouldn’t be allowed inside. I assured him, I’d been put on the list and he let me go to the next station.

At the next station, I was told no, I couldn’t go in. Still confident, I shared that I’d talked to the nurses’ supervisor the week prior and was cleared to go in. He said he needed to call her, I welcomed it.

After realizing I wasn’t going to let up, he put me on the phone with the supervisor.

I listened in, explained what I was told and about a minute into her response I began to cry. She kindly and carefully explained that the Department of Health in California had added new restrictions since I’d made the call and……everything changed at midnight. I wouldn’t be able to wait in the waiting room like we’d planned.

For some, during Covid, this is business a usual but I’ve been acting as my mother’s proxy and the change was going to complicate things on a level I’m not yet able to explain.

With this news, I hugged my mom goodbye and told her I’d be back. I spent the next hour trying to understand why God let this happen.

God knew this was going to happen. Why did He allow it?

And then I reasoned that maybe He’s helping me transition back to supporting from afar – preparing me to be away and be ok. Then I thought about the time I’d already spent in California and how this surgery was the reason I’d stayed so long and here I was, there but not there.

Over the next hour or so I talked to my mom, my family, and the doctors and nurses as she was being prepared for surgery and everything turned out fine. But I can’t front, while I waited I was asking God why and attempting to understand His will in what has become the most uncertain time in most of our lives.

This year has presented a myriad of challenges and so many things are out of our control. How are you going to respond when things go left? What are you going to do when everything changes at midnight?

You’ve made your plans, and all of a sudden there’s a shift. What are you going to do?

I cried, acknowledged who is in control, and asked why. Ultimately, God wanted me to trust Him and He used this situation to show me that.

What is God asking you to trust Him with? Even after you question Him, are you still going to trust Him? I’m glad I did but it was hard ya’ll.

Try responding with faith. Feel the fear but keep circling back to faith.

And if things still don’t go your way, trust God. He hasn’t failed you yet.

Love,

Tiffani

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