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Resilient

During a recent talk with my therapist she asked about my father. I hadn’t really talked about him much (you can learn more about him here) and once she added everything up she said, “You’re resilient.”

Also, while in a virtual meeting at work a while back, a coworker described me as steadfast.

What’s interesting is the word steadfast is on the list of personal core values I wrote in 2018 and on a personal mission statement I wrote the following year.

While praying this evening, I thanked God for these qualities. I thanked Him today knowing I wouldn’t have thanked Him for these qualities years ago.

These qualities haven’t been easy to come by and in all honestly, He’s still testing my resilience but I am grateful for the strength and endurance He’s given me because it’s led to a beautiful life.

A recent trip down memory lane showed me just how far I’ve come, and today while cleaning, I found a thank you note from a friend that said, “I always appreciate the reminders about our journey. Sometimes we forget how far God has taken us.”

It’s something I love to report. I love seeing testimonies unfold. And more than that, I love saying “Remember when… and look what God has done!”

I hope you take the time to listen to those around you and praise and thank God for how far He’s brought you. He’s not done yet but MY GOD, just like at the end of the first days, what He’s done in you is GOOD!

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Don’t Give Up

Last week I was on the phone with the receptionist at one of my mom’s doctors’ offices and I broke down.

She called to explain that my mother needed to have a procedure done the very next day, and…..I broke down.

What she didn’t know is that ten minutes earlier, I was on a call with my mom, her care provider and one of her doctors. On that call we were told that my mother needed both a liver and a kidney transplant.

I’d held it together for the duration of the call – I had to. My mother was crying and rightfully so. These doctors’ visits are breaking her heart.

After the call, I started on the homework I was given but then, the second call came through and I broke down.

In-between sobs I told the receptionist I had to call her back. The last straw felt like a brick and I couldn’t handle it.

Once I got myself together, I called back and took notes on next steps. And then, before getting off of the phone she said, “Don’t give up”.

It could be the hardest of days and seem as if things aren’t getting any better and all it takes is a word (or a few) to help you keep going.

So whatever you’re going through, though every blow may knock you down, don’t give up, get up. The other day the weight of it all was so heavy I sat down in the shower. I couldn’t even hold myself up. But once I’d rested a bit, God was there to pull me up.

If this sounds like you, I’ll tell you like the receptionist told me – don’t give up – Someone is counting on you and that someone may be you.

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The Bad Guys

About a month ago, I was watching a movie with my 4 year old nephew. Ten minutes into the movie he asked who the bad guys were.

Doing my best not to ruin the movie for him, I told him to keep watching and it would be obvious. Five minutes later he asked again.

He likes to know the scary parts up front. He wants to know the end from the beginning or at the very least, whose bad (said like MJ).

Sometimes there’s comfort in expecting bad and realizing it. It’s manifestation, but the wrong kind.

Everyone is going to make a mistake at some point and some folks are truly bad for your health. You’ll find the bad in anyone or anything if you look long enough. No one is perfect and you generally find what you’re looking for. But if that’s where you put your energy, that’s what you’ll get – bad guys.

He’s 4 so he gets a pass, but don’t spend all of your time looking for the bad guys/gals.

Instead, look for the good in those around you and when the time is right, God will show you what you need to see. Expecting the worst is exhausting. Free yourself.

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This Year

Written on April 14th, 2021

While in the shower today, I’ve been in deep reflection about the happenings of this year. This has been a challenging start to the year. It’s been both revelatory and extremely hard. Through it all, God has shown up in incredible, Word-confirming ways!

You haven’t heard from me for a while because I didn’t have the energy to write. I couldn’t settle my mind long enough to get the words out. It wasn’t until today, April 14th, that I was able to write more than a few words.

From battling Covid in January to finding my mom unresponsive in March (she’s better now), it has been a trying year.

Anxiety was a mainstay. Heart palpitations, racing thoughts, running scenarios, afraid to sleep, and watching my mom as she slept to make sure she was still breathing. It brought me back to a time in my childhood when I did the same.

Now that I’m older, I can clearly see the roots of anxiety, where it began and what I need to do to fight it.

But I don’t want to sway you the wrong way, this is not a sad story. It’s one of growth, through incredible turmoil that has produced, in a lot of ways, a new me.

Cancun, Mexico – April 2021

I have watched God work ALL of this out for my good. And I promise you, God will do the same for you.

So as I come down off of this vacation high (or not), I am reminded that God promises beauty for ashes, enough of everything for each day, and a love that is unmatched!

Things have been incredibly hard. I hope you see the good in what you’re going through.

Love, Tiffani

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Poison

I had an issue with a friend that took days to resolve. It was the kind of disagreement that could damage a years-long friendship.

While processing it all, I became even more upset and decided not to talk about it. But then I realized, if I held onto the anger I’d continue to be sick.

It wasn’t until I felt backed into a corner that I spoke about the dispute with said friend and that, along with another rift, put me in a really bad place.

Sometimes I don’t know what’s better – talking it through or letting it go – but one thing is for sure, if I didn’t find my peace with it, it would’ve eaten me alive and it wouldn’t have been good for anyone involved.

Unforgiveness is poison. Sometimes we drink it and keep drinking it because it’s what we’re used to. It validates us and our emotions without offering the other person the benefit of the doubt. It makes the other person a villain in an effort to justify our pain. BUT NOW especially now you and I have to do a new thing. This world is crazy and the last thing we need is a heart filled with poison.

We have to bind our thoughts to what’s good and true not what’s heartbreaking and bad. And within that, we have to find our peace with others. Whether that means letting it roll or letting it go.

Be well and take care of your heart.

Love,

Tiffani

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