Tonight I was reminded of part of the reason I decided to wait. While watching Love by the 10th Date, Kelly Rowland’s character said something I could relate to.
Whenever I’m in a relationship that ends, it’s difficult for me to get back into the dating scene. I’ve never been the type of person to date someone and then immediately move on. There is always a period of time where I need space. It could be 3 months of space or a year of space but it takes me awhile to rebound especially if we had sex. Especially.
I no longer want to feel that kind of emotional tie. I spoke to an older woman recently and she said that if I find someone who is emotionally mature then sex doesn’t have to be out of the question. While I understand that, I can’t waste any time getting to know someone, only to take it to that level and find out later that it isn’t going to work out. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, burned it. Done.
I’m not into playing games with my emotions or my body. So I’ll wait. Waiting requires less stress, less heartache, and way more time to devote to myself. If the guy I meet doesn’t want to wait, he can kick rocks. The end.
Tonight I’m listening to a sermon about doing what God has led you to do. I’m actually listening to it now. I was led to write about my waiting-singleness (years ago actually) and I’ve been slacking royally. Priscilla Shirer is preaching and she is amazing! Once again, she has inspired me. So here it goes…
I’m still single. I probably sound bitter saying that but I’m ok. One thing I learned in 2016 is to listen to the God in me. My intuition always kicks in and somehow I manage to explain it away, or give it more time, or wait for something to change. All the while realizing my intuition is ALWAYS right.
You could be dating the most wonderful guy/girl in the world. He/She’s everything on your list and even some things you didn’t ask for. He/She’s also willing to wait but something isn’t right. Your intuition is knocking and no matter how long you wait or how much you try… something. isn’t. right.
Trust me. It’s better to be hurt now than hurt later. Someone greater is coming. Let this one go.
While at church on Sunday the guest pastor (Keith Battle) told us to turn to 2 Kings 4. In this chapter, there is a story about a Shunammite woman who prepared a room for Elisha in her home. He wanted to repay her, so he asked her what she wanted and she said she didn’t need anything and that she was fine.
Upon further investigation, he found out she didn’t have a son and her husband was old. He told her she would bear a son. Essentially she said, “don’t play with my feelings” but just as he said, a year later she bore a son.
Years (presumably) later , the boy became sick and then he died. Rather than telling or reasoning with her husband or telling those in the town, she set out on a journey to find the prophet Elisha and tell him what happened to her son.
Long story short, he brought him back to life. You can read more about this story here. What’s interesting and what the pastor mentioned is that she didn’t tell anyone he died. She went to the one who prophesied the birth of her son so that he could bring him back to life.
This reminds me of our relationship with God. We may have waited long and prayed much and for whatever reason, God says it’s not our time. Eventually, we become content but lose faith. This woman had lost her faith and didn’t want to think about having a child but she did, just as Elisha said she would. I have to believe her faith was strengthened and restored because she learned that God hadn’t forgotten about her.
It’s the same for you and me. You’ve waited long and tried hard with no results. You had faith but it has been washed away with time and tears. God knows your heart, and He’s already preparing your breakthrough.
Although her faith had been tested, the woman in the story kept serving God’s people. Maybe that’s the message in all of this, to keep on serving until it’s your turn.
While you wait, keep on praying until your faith is restored and keep on believing until God brings you your miracle.
The other day I was sitting in traffic. I HATE traffic! All sorts of unladylike things come out of my mouth while I sit in or navigate through traffic. On this particular day, I was on my way to eat dinner with a friend so I was in a bit of a rush.
There was so much traffic, it seemed like I would never get there. Then I heard sirens coming from behind me. I watched as an ambulance was able to get through the most crowded and impossible traffic. What was once impossible became possible.
At that moment that I was reminded that God can push through ANYTHING. He can make a way through your past. He can make a way on the job, He can make a way through to your family and even in your relationships.
It could be the most stressful and undesirable situation and God will PUSH THROUGH! Consider this, although Jonah disobeyed God when God gave him clear instructions, God pushed him through…well He commanded the fish to vomit Jonah onto dry land (Jonah 2). Then something miraculous happened. Jonah got another chance to complete the assignment God gave him! Isn’t that incredible?!
I am so glad God continues to keep us even though we make mistakes. This abstinence/celibacy journey takes a lot of sacrifice and sometimes you may make mistakes. God is still there and God knows your heart. No one expects perfection, God already knows what you are going to do before you do it (Psalm 139). So, don’t get discouraged.
If He purposed you with it, He will push you through it.
In 2012 my life changed drastically. The guy I believed I was going to marry broke up with me and life as I knew it was over. Ok, it wasn’t really over but that’s how I felt.
During that relationship I took my first crack at waiting. I decided in 2009 that I wouldn’t have sex until I was married. Well….lawd have mercy I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be! Waiting with no prospects is easy, but attempting to wait, with a chocolate covered man, build like…ok too much…it’s just hard ya’ll.
And I failed.
Well, I didn’t fail but I didn’t do as well as I liked. Ok, I failed.
While we were able to wait most of the time, there were sometimes where we…well didn’t. I’m back on it and am proud to say that while I have been tempted, I have not indulged since 2012.
Since deciding to wait, I have learned a few things along the way. Here are some things you should consider if you are deciding to be, on the fence about, or determined to wait for sex until you are married.
- Why do you want to wait? Saving yourself until marriage sounds nice but if you don’t have a strong reason why it will be even more difficult for you. My reasons are God and the future of my family. I want to set a good example for the daughter(s) I will have one day and I want to be able to tell them that their daddy waited on/with their mommy and that they can find a good mate who will wait for them too. While they (my future children) will decide for themselves I, at the very least, want to set the example for them. Also, God has purposed me with this. I want to make Him proud and honor Him with my body because this is indeed, a sacrifice.
- What are you willing or unwilling to do? Are you willing to end dates early if things get too up close and personal? Are you willing to do “other things” instead of intercourse? Are you only willing to go out in groups? I’m not down with the group thing but many people are. You have to decide what works for you. If you can’t do the “other things” without doing the main thing, then you can’t do the “other things”. It’s just that simple. Trust.
- Are you ready to wait? I have been blessed to meet guys who are actually willing to wait. Now, I have been waiting much longer and have had success with it and because of this, I have pretty good self control. It really is a mind-change if you’ve ever had sex before. It is HARD. Don’t underestimate it but do prepare yourself. You can arm yourself with the Word..or get with a group of friends who are waiting. I had friends who were waiting and now they are not because they are married. Do I sound bitter? lol. It’s hard y’all. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t.
- Get ready to see whoever you’re dating for who they actually are. It’s incredible how eliminating sex can remove the veil that we sometimes allow ourselves to wear while dating someone. The sex is good so you stay (been there), or you are so invested emotionally and physically that getting out of a bad relationship seems impossible (been there too). It’s much more work to date someone and wait. You really get to know the ins and outs of them and that can be scary but it can also be a beautiful thing.
- Also, find some good folks to follow. I LOVE Tamera Mowry-Housley ! In fact, she’s my favorite. I used to look to Heather Lindsey but her methods are too restrictive for me. They may work for you so check her out too.
Lastly, it’s a marathon (or can be) not a sprint so take your time with it. Listen to God, and He will bring you your heart’s desire.