For Men, Mostly
Lately I've been getting a lot of good feedback from men who read my blog.
When I first started writing this blog my target audience was women but as it has evolved, I've included posts geared towards any and everyone interested in celibacy.
If you are a man and you're interested in being celibate or dating someone who is, you're not alone. Believe it or not, I've dated guys who were interested in or ok with being celibate. I've even had male friends who are/were celibate and some who practiced celibacy until marriage. Plenty of men do it or are open to it.
Whether you're open to it or not, here are some things to remember when dating a woman who's waiting and/or when practicing celibacy.
1. Don't Run Away - Say Goodbye
If you meet a woman who is celibate but you're not interested in waiting say that and move on. Don't, however, never give a solid answer and disappear for months. It's just not cool. This happened to me recently. A guy said he'd call me back to talk about waiting after he got out of the shower. He's a raisin now. Haven't heard from him in over a month.
2. Be Kind
People decide to wait for a variety of reasons. Telling someone you're waiting already makes you vulnerable. Be patient enough to wait until they want to say more.
3. Check Yourself
Just because someone's been waiting for a long time doesn't mean they have it altogether. Waiting as a couple is a full time job especially if you have a strong physical attraction to each other. It takes 2 to do the do but it only takes 1 to slow things down. Someone has to be the one to call a time out, and it may not always be me (yep I said me). Self control goes both ways.
4. Accountability is Everything
I have an accountability partner and she knows who she is. I'm so thankful I have friends who support me with this because it gets hard. Should you decide to wait, you'll need someone to keep you encouraged and cheer you on through the finish line.
5. Be a Friend
If I'm your friend and I tell you I have a goal, aren't you going to help me accomplish it? It's the same with this. Even if you decide not to date someone who is waiting, don't actively discourage them or try to change their mind. It's a very personal decision. If they decide to start or resume having sex, it's up to them. Let them decide.
6. Waiting Is A Game-Changer
A friend of mine said it seemed like I was on a roll personally and professionally. Without blinking I said "it's because I'm not having sex."
During this season of waiting I've become more confident, strengthened my relationship with God, switched jobs, got a promotion, bought a house, started a business, started writing this blog, got in shape, and earned another degree - And there's more! Waiting pays dividends, let's come up together!
Overall, waiting is hard. Telling someone you're waiting takes courage. If you're dating someone who is waiting think it through, and be honest about what you can and cannot do. It's either for you or it isn't. Care enough to decide and once you make your decision see it through.
Happy Waiting!