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I created this blog to be a safe and vulnerable place for reflection, to help myself and others turn real world experiences into impactful life lessons. God’s lessons and messages are all around us, we just have to listen.

 

Save Yourself

In the years leading up earning my master’s degree, a deep rift had developed in my family.

At the time, I was using my graduation as a meeting place - an event I could use to get everyone involved in the room. I hoped we could discuss, mend, and heal - together.

I didn't share this plan with anyone - not that sharing it would have helped it succeed - but I felt defeated when the plan didn't go as planned, the two didn't reconcile, and we were back at square one.

I remember planning my life accomplishments around this reconciliation. I started to plan when I'd get my next degree so we could be together again, and think about when I'd get married - being careful not to allow too much time in-between. All of this to help mend an issue I didn't have.

I’ve spent a lot of years in therapy trying to understand my role in all of this. And in therapy, in the early 2010's and up to last year I remember my therapists - different therapists - saying, "You can't save them." Everyone's relationships, healing, and lives are their own.

 
 

Where is Your Faith?

I used to cry when I couldn't get in contact with my mom. Sometimes days would go by without a returned call and I was convinced something bad happened and I would cry.

Then we'd finally talk to each other and the cycle would start all over again. Eventually, I decided it was the phone that was the issue so I bought my mom a new phone. Eventually the same thing would happen and I finally realized it was me.

My faith was so small I was convinced that missed phone calls meant death. I know that sounds terrible but some of you know what I mean. If you have loved ones who’ve needed a lot of care or had specific health needs and you didn't hear from them, it could create debilitating anxiety.

Since then my faith has increased even as her needs have become more pronounced. I've had to practice the faith I claim to have in real time and in real ways.

Jumping to conclusions hurts the person who jumps while the other is oblivious to the sentiment.

Take care of yourself. Find your mustard seed of faith and hold on to it. You’ll need it. Harder things may be ahead.

Love,

Tiffani


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“The answer could be wait, it could be "not now" or it could be "yes". When it appears as if God isn't responding I believe it's Him asking us to be still - That He's working things out on our behalf and we just have to wait.”


— From post, “Prayer Answered.”

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