Survivor

A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with Covid-19. It’s been a roller coaster of sorts with the kind of ups and downs that are hard to explain. While talking to a friend who I see regularly on MarcoPolo, she said I don’t look sick at all.

But I can see sickness in my eyes. I feel it in my body when I walk up and down the stairs and even while standing. The only time I don’t feel it is when I’m laying down - but even that’s not entirely true because there was a time when I had to lay on my side. Now I can lay on my stomach and it’s the only posture where I feel like my body can fully rest.

Covid is not a respecter of persons. I’ve felt more fatigued than I’ve ever felt, emotionally drained - even angry at times, dizzy, nauseous, unable to smell or take a deep breath and to keep it short - bad. I thought I was doing all of the right things. And people close to me did too because even they were shocked when I shared I’d tested positive.

I’m the person who got tested before she got on a plane to go home to California, who wore two masks and a face shield and wiped everything down.

I’m the same person who got an Airbnb for a week so I could get tested again before being around my family and the same one who wore a mask in the house with them until I got my results.

I’m the person who after my mom had surgery and after I’d found out the same day that I’d tested negative again, slept with a mask on in the living room of her small one bedroom apartment so I could keep an eye on her throughout the night.

I was around two people without having my mask on, the same two this entire pandemic and both of them tested negative. The only way to explain this is that I must have gotten it while having my mask on and with that, I am certain this was going to happen to me.

I don’t think we realize the deep mental toll Covid takes on us. How early on I’d ruminate about how or when or why. How even me, as what society considers a healthy person, could be sat down by Covid.

But God is a healer! And He’s sent so many people to check on me. From daily calls and texts to deliveries to my house - God is a provider! And He’s doing it through all of you and I am grateful!

So please, don’t judge people or what they do. Some folks are doing all of the “right” things and still testing positive. Do wear your mask and stay socially distant, get tested regularly and be safe. This is a wild ride but thank God I don’t look like what I’m going through.

Stay safe y’all.

Tiffani